School Is Back. Now Is the Time to Ask How Your Child is Really Doing.

By Jessica Florer, Director of the EverHope School Project, and Doug Hes, Education Director at EverHope Horizon Academy

The backpacks are broken in. The first-day nerves have settled a little. Teachers know everyone’s names, routines are taking shape, and kids are beginning to understand what this school year might actually feel like.

And that makes now a really important time to check in.

In our work at EverHope, we spend our days alongside children, families, and educators in very different school settings. One thing we see again and again is that kids do not always come home and tell us exactly what is bothering them.

Often, they show us.

Stress may look like silence, irritability, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, sudden frustration, or an unexpected “I don’t want to go to school.”

“Behavior is often communication,” Doug says. “When a child suddenly shuts down, gets frustrated more easily, or starts resisting school, it is worth getting curious about what may be underneath it.”

But checking in does not have to mean sitting your child down for a serious conversation.

In fact, many kids talk more freely when the conversation feels less formal. Pay attention to when your child naturally opens up. It may be in the car, at bedtime, over dinner, or while you are doing something together.

You do not have to create the perfect conversation. You just need to create enough small openings that your child knows they can talk when they are ready

Here are five conversation starters you can work into those everyday moments.

1. What’s been the best part of school so far?

Starting with something positive can help you understand where your child feels comfortable, confident, and connected. It also signals that checking in about school does not always have to mean looking for a problem.

2. What’s been the hardest part of school so far?

The answer may be academic, social, or something as simple as getting used to a new routine. Your child may be trying to find their place in a classroom, friendship group, or activity.

Try to stay curious rather than immediately jumping into solutions.

3. Who at school do you feel like you can go to if you need something?

Connection matters.

“We see how powerful a trusted relationship can be,” Jessica says. “When students know there is an adult at school who sees them, understands them, and will help when they need it, they are often better able to manage stress and stay connected to learning.

You can follow naturally with questions like, “What do you like about them?” or “What makes them easy to talk to?” A teacher, counselor, coach, administrator, or another trusted adult can make school feel much more manageable.

4. Is there anything about school you’ve wanted to tell me but haven’t known how to bring up?

This gives your child permission to share something without suggesting that you already believe something is wrong.

If the answer is yes, resist the urge to immediately ask a long list of questions.

Try something simple instead: “I’m glad you told me. Tell me more.”

Sometimes a child needs to know they have been heard before they are ready to think about what happens next.

5. What’s one thing I could do that would make school feel a little easier right now?

Their answer may surprise you.

It could be help getting organized, a calmer morning routine, less pressure about grades, more time together, or simply knowing you are available when they want to talk.

This question also gives children some ownership in the conversation rather than asking adults to guess what they need.

For younger children, you might also ask, “What do you think makes you a good friend, classmate, or student?” Questions like this help children recognize their own strengths, build confidence, and think about where they belong at school.

Your child may answer every question. They may answer one. They may shrug and say, “I don’t know.”

That does not mean the conversation failed.

It may simply mean they need more time, or a different moment.

“Parents do not have to solve every problem in one conversation,” Doug says. “Sometimes the most important thing is showing your child that you are available, interested, and willing to listen.”

You might simply say, “That’s okay. You don’t have to answer right now. I just want you to know I’m always here if something comes up.”

The goal is not to force a conversation. It is to make sure your child knows the door is open.

And parents do not have to do that work alone.

“The more connected the adults around a child are, the stronger that support becomes,” Jessica says. “Parents, teachers, counselors, and other trusted adults can work together to help children feel safe, understood, and ready to learn.”

Children do their best when they feel safe, connected, and understood.

Sometimes helping them get there starts with something very simple:

Ask. Listen. Keep showing up.

Jessica Florer

Jessica Florer has spent 20 years in education, including the past seven years coaching and supporting others in trauma-responsive practices. She is passionate about working alongside students, families, and educators to build connection, strengthen skills, and create lasting, meaningful change.

Doug Hes

Doug Hes brings 20 years of experience in education as a teacher and administrator, serving students from Pre-K through 12th grade, primarily in ethnically and socioeconomically diverse communities. For the past four years, he has worked with youth in the Arkansas foster care system and deeply values the lessons and perspective they continue to share with him.